the Santa situation
I've never said a lot about the big guy in the red suit with my girls. I don't have a problem with Santa--I don't think that belief in Santa conflicts with celebrating the birth of Christ. I've always pretty much viewed Santa--the big, jolly, gift-giving naughty-or-nice-list-making Santa that American kids grow up hearing about--as nothing more nor less than a fun cultural aspect of the holiday, and treated it as such. The kids have read stories and seen cartoons that feature Santa Claus, and he's certainly inescapable in any store from October-January. I've never tried to discourage them from believing in Santa.
That said, we've never made a big deal about him, either. We don't write and mail letters to Santa, we've never told the girls to strain their ears for reindeer hooves on the roof, and we've never left cookies and milk out on Dec. 24.
Beth, at a young age, simply told us that she didn't believe he was real. I tried to be kind of vague about my answers to her questions. You know, the whole, "Well, what do YOU think about whether he's real or not?" kind of thing. And when she flat out said she didn't think he was, I told her she could believe what she wanted, but she was not to go around telling all her little friends at school that he was a big fake. Just because she was a youthful realist, I didn't want her to be the kid that spoils it for everybody else.
This year, for whatever reason, she seems to be re-examining her position. The enthusiasm of her younger sisters? Peer pressure from other first-graders who do still believe? All I know is, this year she is putting her pragmatism and curiousity to work and conducting a scientific experiment.
"Mom, I want to leave cookies and milk out for Santa this year," she told me.
"Sure, sweetie, we can do that," I said, mentally congratulating myself on this development. Extra cookies for mom and dad while we fill stockings!
But then, she turned to me and said, "And you have to promise you will not eat them, Mom. You have to promise you won't. And Dad can't either, not even one. I want to know if Santa is real or not, and if I wake up in the morning and the cookies are gone, then I'll know. And if they're still there, I know he's not. Please promise you won't eat them, Mom, please."
And so I promised.
And now I am faced with a dilemma.
Break the promise that I looked her in the eye and made?
Or leave the cookies untouched, and let her know, without a doubt, that the magic of Santa is not real?
11 comments:
You know your kid and will make the best decision.
My thoughts are: let her make and leave out the cookies. It is an opportunity, as a mom, to respect her as an individual and let her test out life in a way that works for her. She needs to know it is safe to do that and that you will respect and love her in that process.
And when she sees that the milk and cookies are still there it is a great opportunity to give her a big hug and answer any questions she may have and to proceed with opening all the amazing gifts that her loving mom and dad got for her. Or if the cookies and milk are gone, you can wonder with her where they really went. ;-)
Maybe later it would be a good time to talk about the magic of Christmas and about how Santa being real or not is not really the point.
Like I said, you will make a good decision either way. These are just my initial thoughts. The next words are to myself too. Don't be afraid to let her experience the sting of disappointment. You are a great mom and you will do well with this. Plus, she might even change her mind between now and then. ;-)
The magic of believing your mom will always keep her promises is a lot more important than the magic of Santa, imo.
Oh that is KILLER hard. :)
Toughy for sure. For what it's worth, I remember leaving cookies (and more often carrots for the reindeer). I knew that my parents were eating said offerings, but it was fun to leave it just the same. I think I enjoyed it because it gave me a chance to pretend and play with my parents. Parents in my experience don't often play make believe with their kids (especially if said kid has siblings). Playing make believe is kind of what siblings and your friends are for right? But with Santa I got to pretend with my parents.
Oh boy, she's making it so much harder on you than our kiddos did on us! They never had to test their conclusion.
You know that she already knows, so the question is really does she want to pretend more than she wants you to keep your word? Somehow, I think parental promises are more important than any story...
And if you want to borrow my copy of "Santa, Are You for Real?" and just avoid the whole scenario, I'd be happy to loan it to you if you're over my way anytime before Saturday :)
Ooh... I look forward to hearing the outcome of this dilemma. for some reason this year Seth seems to really want to believe in Santa even though we've never made a big deal of him either. Actually, a couple years ago we got the book Santa Are you for Real and it got the kids even MORE interested in Santa. :) We don't do the Santa game in our family, but you certainly can't avoid him either. :) My first instinct would be to leave the cookies there, but like Heather said, you know your daughter. Let us know how it goes!
When Cheryl was in kinder she told me that she knew Santa was not real because God had told her so. I really couldn't argue with that.
This just makes me so glad we have St. Nicholas. It makes these kinds of dilemmas so much easier and yet we can still have a bit of magic without losing the true meaning of Christmas.
I am not against Santa and a great, fun, pretend character. This is what we emphasis for the boys, so that they do know that the reason we celebrate is someone's really important birthday. I hear parents say, "But where is the magic when you don't teach them to believe in Santa?"
I think a God coming to earth as a child is pretty "magical" and amazing. My parents always told us the truth about Santa because they wanted us to believe them on other things you had to take by faith etc.
My middle son did announce to his school mates that Santa is not real which upset some parents, so we had to talk about how some parents like to pretend Santa is real and we just know the truth and their kids will figure it out.
Coen said, "Yeah and their parents lie to them.
Then later he told his aunt that Santa Claus died because he got too fat."
(I did get your family xmas pic)
It's tricky, that's for sure.
So, here's what I would do if Sydney was the one asking me: I'd tell her on Christmas Eve--before she went to sleep--that Santa is just a symbol of giving and goodwill, and hey, let's eat the cookies together to celebrate that and Jesus' birth. That way, if the little sisters want to keep believing, that's okay too.
I think it would be hard to wake up and be hit with a plateful of cookies on Christmas morning. Poof goes the magic.
Truth is important, but I think allowing our kids to use their imagination is important too. I don't tell my kids that unicorns and talking dogs don't exist; I just try to go along with whatever storyline makes them smile.
So it is with Santa.
So what did you do??
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